I’m not pointing the finger at anyone else, by the way they may all have been there with the noblest intent. Which sounds a bit like the plot of a film he’d be in. In my head, it was kind of like I was a last-minute replacement for the best man at George Clooney’s wedding and had to get to the venue on time at all costs. It appals me to confess that I don’t recall having any actual connection with the reality of the situation: that a natural disaster had sent a nation spiralling into chaos, disarray and tragedy. It was like Madame Tussauds after a visit from a wizard. Still, I went anyway as I say, it was a good opportunity. An implausible coupling that advances the benefactor more than the beneficiary. What celestial matchmaker has slung together these mismatched phenomena? Fame to treat famine, fame to treat poverty, fame to take the boredom away. What is this tenuous equation between fame and tragedy? As I nervously shuttled through security like a first-day intern into the CBS studios, I was so overwhelmed by the frequency of famous faces in an enclosed space that I almost exploded. The reason this event was spectacular in the crowded marketplace of televised benefits was because of the sheer density of stars. It is just unfortunate that when philanthropy meets the machinery of celebrity, it acquires such an unpleasing hue.) Clearly no one would condemn him for this kindness. “I’m sorry you lost your house and leg and dog and daughter – here’s some medicine that was purchased in the most glamorous way imaginable, in a format that’s given some Hollywood newcomers a real chance to shine.” (Clooney obviously set up this event with the best of intentions, with incredible effort, using his visibility and luminance to draw attention to the vital need for humanitarian aid. Which I’m sure, as much as the rice and antibiotics, soothed the displaced Haitians. I was invited by George Clooney to participate in this grotesquely beautiful effort to provide aid for the victims of the 2010 disaster, and was instantly told by someone at the agency that attendance was mandatory as it was a good career opportunity. The telethon is a near-permanent fixture in our culture, and in a way the perfect concoction for a society that wants to release hot little farts of compassion, but without wanting to ever actually follow through. Who put it there? And why?Īnd why doesn’t it work? Do you remember when Haiti had that earthquake? You probably don’t, you self-centred swine, and if you do, I bet it’s because of the star-spangled telethon that came in its wake. I’m not, and I’ve done all right out of this system: I’ve a big house, a nice cat, and when I write books, they’re immediately put on the school curriculum. That aside, a significant number of people are not happy with the way things are. Even the calculator has gone berserk at this injustice. I just used the calculator on my phone to subtract 85 from 3.5 billion and the answer had a letter in it. In any electoral process worth having, we might assume that the 3.5 billion people who have as much wealth collectively as the 85 richest people in the world are up for some amendments an’ all. I know most people can’t be happy with the current regime. I suppose we must each ask of ourselves – or each other, have fun with it, it could be a quiz, two fundamental questions: 1) Are you happy with things the way they are? And 2) Do you believe that things could be better?
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